Showing posts with label seasons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label seasons. Show all posts

Monday, January 25, 2016

Ice Age


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prospect_Park_%28Brooklyn%29

We had a snowstorm recently in the tri-state area, which means every kook with an ax to grind about the seasons comes out in full force on our local news broadcasts, either as deniers for global warming brought on by mass consumption and clogging pollution, or some out-of-towner brought to New York City by corporate from another marketplace that's way warmer (and naturally much better, duh), who just fucking hates it here. Both are annoying and often the same person, but much like the turning of the earth on its axis, New Yorkers accept posers for who they really are: thrill seekers looking to make a quick buck in the heart of the empire, hopefully at our expense, because we're that good at weathering storms every year, like in preparation and stuff. 

Of course, it never really works out that way for the bluesy bipolar broad bored with life itself, because this town spits out people like candy. We have every type of season existing in the Northeastern U.S. within perfect balance, divided neatly into three months each with four distinct seasons, which we often like to explain to any type of human from any spot around the globe in excruciatingly long (and highly technical) detail, if need be. Meteorology, ain't it a kick? It's actually fun to mess with 'em sometimes, like the mayor pretending that Saturday's snowfall was "the worst one ever!!", as a direct contradiction to the near-constant snow we had just last year, but such are the devotees of "the idiot box" and its' voodoo priestesses promising heightened hysteria they can all "get high" off of, in some delusional end-of-the-world type of scenario, rampant with overly dramatic words in description of a simple snow, so that they can nod along with some droning talking head. Yeah! So cold, so dreary....gasp! Like death itself!! Go global warming! We love you! Sooo warm.*

Meanwhile, we're having downhill sled races in the park, with cool Park Rangers handing out hot chocolate to the kids for free, happy as ever in a landscape turned magical with sparkling snow, but...uh, yeah...sure, it's the end of the world in a northern climate. Meet you at the rink? No need to rent. I have my own ice skates! Oh, right....booooo, that's bad fun >:( I forgot! In a way, we use our environment to weed out the kind of people who wouldn't make it anywhere let alone here, so much so that we've kind of perfected life in all its aspects, complete with a southern colony for those retired exiles we call "Snow Birds", those charming Grandmas you all see in Florida, dope, with the strong native accents. And that's why it's hard for whiners everywhere; they have a lot of competition, too much for us to even notice them all, thus sucking some of their joy out of killing our fun, which never works. What a pattern! Almost predictable, like the weather itself....right?

But, that's what major shifts are all about. It was the same thing in the workplace, when publishing transitioned from the purely manual to the computer desktop: people who couldn't make the leap in thought necessary to move forward didn't excel, and the rest did. No one specifically asked me about that "sea change" either, but you didn't hear me complaining about it overmuch. I didn't have the time for it, what with teaching myself graphic design for books on the computer at night, running my own household with roommates and boyfriends in tow, and staying alive long enough to do it again the very next day. Boohoo. No one cared because work had to be done, so you just learned what you needed to get through the day, and in the process, I became the greatest apprentice the industry had ever seen.

Our families were like that, too. My grandmother's parents decided at some point that they had enough of working after the ice industry went bust with modern refrigeration, choosing instead to refuse speaking English to their children while forcing my studious grandmother to work on their behalf, thus depriving her of her dream about advanced education, not that it worked. She excelled far past them anyway, because she had to, and because she could, and isn't that what they saw with me, too? I could've done without the abuse, domestic violence, mental illness, and addictions that seemed to spring fully formed all around me, but like my grandparents, I knew I could bridge the gap if I had to. I didn't have the choices that I make easy for the people who depend on me to survive, because this isn't exactly my first "Ice Age" to gap, nor will it be yours. Welcome to the same evolutionary theories as then, newly packaged for you in the Digital Age because we had to, for you to keep up with us, so do. Keep up!


Thursday, March 12, 2015

Meltdown!

As the countdown to warmer weather continues (thus reenacting an ancient seasonal arc throughout human history), we begin to see the snow and ice finally recede, until one bright sunny day when the last bit of it is finally gone. "MELT, MELT, MELT!" Bye-bye snow and ice. See you next year.

Canadian Geese and Large Tree.
The annual snow-melt has officially begun: it's over 40 degrees!


Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Countdown to Spring!


That's A LOT of snow, dude!

Well, folks, it's that time of year when we become totally fucking sick of the snow, like, so over it, you want to punch someone in the face just for not shoveling, like any decent human being would. Yeah, it gets that bad here sometimes. 

That'll melt sometime in April, maybe. Yay...

Luckily for us, we live in the most bitchin' place on earth that is New York, New York City, and the greater tri-state area (including Canada and New Orleans as my territories:), a place so in balance with nature that each season is a beautifully perfect and brilliant three months long*, so just when you want to die from sweat during the hottest, most doggiest days of August, the month of September rolls in like the coolest, sweetest breeze that's ever kissed your face.

 

Just ask any remaining member of the 70s group Earth, Wind, and Fire. They wrote the song about it!

(Click on me above)




Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Old Houses in Snow


The home that love built (for little Natalie).

We're getting to the point where winter palls on us, especially those drearily dark commuter mornings into the city, rife with delays and power outages; that special time of year when the dirty pile of sidewalk snow on the corner becomes our greatest most hated enemy, the most dreaded, iciest foe to our winter-weary minds: "So ugly!! Grrr!! I almost fell" <shake fist>:o( "I hate you, dirt pile of snow, ice, and slush!!!" 
<shakes fist and slips in patch of black ice that's almost invisible> "Shoveling!!...Again!!...WTF?!", and so forth until it finally ends...again.

https://scontent-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10689820_10205009769896947_726830208729540187_n.jpg?oh=0d5b4bf162ec0d1cd6a8887f81fb0112&oe=55559782
Spooky old houses in winter...booo!

Ads on t.v. for Disney vacations and beach trips to the Bahamas become almost every New Yorker's dream of escape. But take heart! You're not alone. February is a short month that's over quickly, and St. Patrick's Day is right around the corner. 

"It was a dark and dreary winter's day, so cold, and alone..."

That means beer (and lots of it), a great little small town parade (BTW, midget pony in the little green coat with the long blond mane needs to come back this year, and this means YOU, lady in acid-washed jeans with the 80s hairdo from New Jersey. I know you are close by, breeding little horses :( , so don't be lazy, and come back to our parade this year!!), corned beef with cabbage, and also leftover breakfasts of crispy pan-fried corned beef hash with lots of ketchup on the side, and yes, that means you, you Pearl River Mick. See you soon!

"Please, no more shoveling. I can't take it anymore! Aggghh!"
Still, it is pretty as a postcard here. Wouldn't change a thing!


Monday, January 26, 2015

Snow-Filled Days Ahead


Garage in snow.
Garage in snow, II.

Look, muthaf#ckas, let's get this straight: we have a blizzard on the way in the Northeast for the next few days, so if you aren't 1) the President of the United States of America (and he knows better than to push it, kids) or 2) the head of Médecins Sans Frontières, where the entire fate of the world at war hangs in the balance of your command (and when hasn't the world been at war with disease, starvation, and well, war?!!), then stay the f#ck home! The markets won't close without you, Wall Street assh@le. You ain't the entire market, and computers do work in your friggin' generic stucco McMansion, in yet another bland cul-de-sac. Sh*thead.

Bush in snow.
Bush in snow, II.
Bush in snow, III.

You do not control the weather, except the damage you do in excess with your pricey plastic trash that pollutes the earth. The world does not revolve around you, so, again, stay the fuc% home today! Stay off the roads, don't go out if you do not absolutely have to, and deal with being prepared ahead of time, like the rest of us decent humans do. Snow is not some g-ddamn demon sent to plague you. It's snow. It's f*cking weather. You know how this goes by now: Mother Nature always (and I mean, always) wins. What do think cold countries like Norway and Canada do? Die?! Just f&ckin' deal with it, sh*theads.

Carousel in snow.

Firehouse in snow.

I'll see you in a few days. Now, where are my candles? Ah, I already have them, because I know what to do under these conditions that I've adapted to. It's f#cking winter, and this is f#cking weather. It's called a f#cking "season". And this upcoming storm is called a blizzard. NOT a "POLAR VORTEX" super villain, not "The Plague" sent to you from G-d (you'd know it if it was that, homie), and you are not the center of all life on this planet. Enough with it, already. "Newsie airheads", that includes your dumb act and b$llshit routine, because we're totally on to you, with the phoney 20 questions and playing stupid, like "Golly Gee, this is soooo new!!". Go find a real story. It's time. It's the muthahumpin' 21st century, for chrissakes. Stay home, human! You are not needed! (with the exception of  our emergency personnel, but you already know who you are).



Thursday, December 4, 2014

The First Day of Snow



We had our first snow day a week or so ago, right before Thanksgiving. It was awesome: the stores closed early, only a few people were out, and everything was covered with a pretty blanket of snow. There air is so clean after a snowfall, I just breathed it in, remembering childhood snow days past: "no school" announcements on the radio with a brief (but joyous) family freakout, pancakes and cartoons for breakfast with my bros, followed by snowmen and precariously-made snow tunnels outside with our snow dog "Snowflake", the cutest little girl Samoyed an Acadian kid could ever hope to have. 


If it was Saturday, my Dad might take us sledding at Rockland Lake, with hot chocolate and melting marshmallows at home later, around the big kitchen table my mother's cousin made for us, after removing layers and layers of heavily sodden snow gear. It still has the power to bring out the kid in me, and so it did. I padded around town in my red snow boots with a big smile on my face. Enjoy it while you can. Snow today is often gone tomorrow.





Monday, December 1, 2014

The Harvest Pumpkin

 

This happy hardy little gourd made it all the way to Thanksgiving from the first few weeks of October. I bought it at the store from a cardboard box filled to the brim with them, carefully selecting it from among the other gourds by taking my time, looking for just the right size and shape to complement my little doorway. The big box itself was a cheerful visualization of the harvest season, and I found myself brightening up every time I came home to it, which is just the way I planned it: that is the essence behind seasonal decorations.

I finally picked it up this weekend to throw it away, because it had gone soft and mushy from the inside out. The stem popped off as I picked it up, and the round little pumpkin quickly rolled away from me and off the porch, bouncing down each of the four front steps to the old yellow house, landing on the sidewalk. I felt like it was running its' last, final steps to freedom, and I took it as a sign that it's beautiful but brief life had indeed come to an end. What an adventure! 

And it was right on time.


Tree Branches


I've been amassing a collection of pictures during the end of fall, before our first snow of the season, which we had last week. Goodbye, Autumn. Hello, Winter.

















Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Cloud Bank Rolls In


A week or so ago, I watched a bank of quick-moving clouds creep over the hills, heading east. It was a powerful force of nature, not without it's ominous moments; first blowing in on a swift wind, then darkening the sky completely with a thick, grey blanket. Snow (and winter) is well on it's way. Here's looking forward to the first snow.




























Cold front moves in from the west (Hudson Valley, 2014).