For many, many lonnnng years now, New Yorkers, fellow East Coasters, and anyone else with an ounce of real intellectualism in their brains have suffered through election time with excruciating patience. I'm not talking about our crucial and highly developed system of "checks and balances"* either, although you should definitely know about the concept, in case you skipped that class in school.
No, we are talking about a surreal horror/freak-show that has produced candidates who are afraid of seeing the Russian landmass from their doorstep in America, or losing her freedom to shoot down endangered wolves running in fear from the safety of her rich white helicopter, while preaching about teenage abstinence ("See the 'Virginity' bracelet on my wrist, here?").
Wait, there's more! Her then-teenage daughter gets knocked up out of wedlock (which is up to two times and counting, in 2015), then said-candidate goes on national television to openly oppose birth control for women, so she can give a late-in-life birth to her beloved Down Syndrome baby, who we, the taxpayers, will almost surely support all of his extremely-challenged life.
Makes sense, right? NO?! Well, fuck you, it doesn't to me either!
That is why the great city, state, and people of New York have tacitly applauded Donald Trump's bid in the race, with all of his "FUCK YOU!" money: as a payback to y'all, for all the weirdo shit we've had to endure for so long. I promise you, each media soundbite from him and overly graphic stage-set design will be stranger than the last, until someone stops him in his own party.
