Musicals

I fucking hate musicals, especially the typically overblown, histrionic, tourist fare that's on Broadway. When my stepmother asked me to see one of her choosing during a recent trip to New York, I declined. In fact, I was horrified. What was once a huge bestseller in book publishing (my trade of choice), is now set by some idiot into a series of inane and jarring karoake-style songs. You know the kind: just when you start to get into the story, someone starts warbling their head off, completely interrupting the action. Why? WHY? WHY?! It's so insane. There's flashing lights, weirdo smoke machines, lots of rainbows and glitter and shiny moving parts everywhere you look (and I love big gay shows), so the tourists don't get pissed off at the $60 price tag.

Yeah, right. I don't trust the opinion of anyone who comes to see a Broadway show in an ill-fitting skort, wearing an "Asian lady who hates sunlight" hat (nod to "Family Guy" for that line, often set brilliantly to song), which further obscures any decent view you might have had when you first sat down in your seat. It's a horrid slap in the face to any of the native element in the crowd, like some poor slob wearing ratty jeans and a baseball cap to a fancy restaurant. Take off your fucking hat, douche! Show some respect for masters of the arts. Jeezus.

As far as I'm concerned, the only musicals I've ever truly enjoyed are South Park: The Movie and Team America: World Police, and both had the added bonus of lampooning major American actors and our sometimes dubious foreign policies. I'm sure I'd love their actual Broadway musical, The Book of Mormon, but when I requested seeing that as a show for what was supposed to be part of "my" 40th birthday gift, it was vetoed by my family for not being mainstream and/or cheesy enough, but more about my rotten birthdays later on, in December, when it finally comes around close to Christmas, a time when I also get gypped out of any real, legitimate gift that may cater to any one of my one hundred million interests. Uh, thanks.  
Stay tuned, folks. I'm just getting warmed up.

Greatest Hits - The Simpsons

Many of my readers know I'm a big Simpson's fan. There's jokes and references for the pop culturally savvy to chew on for years. The gags just don't get old. Part of what makes it classic is impeccable comic timing, brilliant writing, and the key addition of music. I remember watching Barry White on an episode and thinking to myself "This is the best show I've ever seen." Still do. "The Man" has blocked much of the English-language Simpsons clips from the internets, so we get bonus Español. It's like a Bumblebee Man sketch from Channel Ocho:

I was in college when The Ramones still toured heavily. One year, me and my friend caught a show in the basketball stadium of Providence College, with a GabbaGabbaHey ending and everything. Needless, when The Ramones appeared on The Simpsons, it solidified our fandom for life.

Ever had a wacky Mexican holiday? The campers from Kamp Krusty did, as payback for one of the worst experiences ever. The kids went Lord of the Flies (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord_of_the_Flies), and it is awesome. Ultimately, it's nothing a little Tequila and Tijuana can't fix.

Hey, it's Tuesday! 

When's your next holiday?

Best Musicals

As a genre, musicals are not high on my list of favorites. I start getting into the narrative, and then BOOM! someone abruptly breaks into song, with hand gestures and dance moves. Annoying and quite frankly, kinda terrifying. Homies, ya feel me on this one? Like, if someone did that on the train, you'd switch cars, right? Word. But, if it's in the interest of parody, (see also: Team America, World Police) then I am so down. http://mariedoucette.blogspot.com/search/label/Team%20America%20World%20Police

Before the genius of puppet sex, (And you know you wanted to see how that worked. Remember when Barbie dolls came of age in your household? Good times. My Ken, while stylish, was definitely hetero.) Matt Stone and Trey Parker composed the brilliant movie South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. Yes, I own the soundtrack and so should you, but if not, then take a listen to a song or two. Please note: not suitable for the kiddies. Sorry, folks.

I defy you to get "I'm Super!" out of your head today. "Skittles!" Next up, a nod to the French Resistance. When in doubt, shout it out: Blame Canada!

Sure, war is a bummer and all, but what would World Champion and Olympic figure skater Brian Boitano do? I've wondered about that, as have the boys from South Park, Colorado.

Okay, okay Brian Boitano has the answers to thwart world domination, but what if the moms in town go mad with power and bloodlust? Sing, dammit, sing! Sing your little hearts out.

Jazz hands...yeah. Rough times at the playground, where many a battle has taken place. Catchy, isn't it? It's a tough world out there, but at least we can still laugh about it. Stay safe this weekend.

Best Musicals

When I saw this movie in a dark theater, I sat in one of the rowdiest, loudest-laughing crowds I'd ever been part of. Truth be told, I was feeling no pain in my seat, thanks to pre-movie indulgences. To test my instincts in the sober light of day, I saw it again on Netflix. Wow.

Dear readers, I submit to you, for your approval, that the catchiest movie musicals of modern cinema are written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, of "South Park" fame. One of the best is none other than "Team America: World Police." How about this little ditty, in place of our National Anthem? 

(WARNING: THE FOLLOWING VIDEO CLIPS ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR CHIlDREN):

Ever felt trapped on an island, in a sea of loneliness and stupidity? Kim Jong Il has, as he shares his tale of woe with us, in song:

How about folding major movie stars into your plan for world domination (because your alien planet has decreed that you must do so), only to watch your scheme go down in flames? Relatable, yes? Kim Jong Il feels your pain, and so do I:

What about the sadness you felt when "Rent" ended it's run on Broadway? The directors have that covered, and happily so. They give their leading star his next role as Master Spy, as this story arc shows him getting "discovered" anew:

Are you in love? Do you miss your paramour, and also the lack of decent movie roles for Cuba Gooding, Jr? I do, and so do Trey Stone and Matt Parker:

As we head into the weekend, let's pause for a moment, as we reflect back on the work week. Did you find yourself caught up in a game of petty office politics, with annoyingly clueless and toothless co-workers? Kim Jong Il has! The directors build tension musically, as we wait for the denouement to this mise en scene:

Hey, it's Friday, and you're outta there! 

Have a "Good" one, for Cuba and me :)