Hieroglyphics

"Gifting", with strings attached.

For years, I've doodled little shapes and swirly glyphs until they covered a page. It was something I typically did during a boring class, or in attendance at yet another dopey meeting for people at much slower speeds, so there was no point in me paying attention with the full force of my consciousness. Of course, I'd learn later on that's exactly what you're supposed to do with massive amounts of mostly useless data: use other parts of your brain to take in information, which has the unfortunate effect of giving my a memory recall so profound, it's like a party trick for me now: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/12/doodling-benefits_n_7572182.html.

But they sometimes took on a deeper meaning to the people around me. One year, my former RISD classmate turned housemate used them to make fun Christmas cards."They're like wrapping paper", she said dismissively to me, and then took them to her day job to work on and show her co-workers, which was weird, since she was so paranoid about people ripping her off without getting paid. I didn't care, because she photocopied them onto colored paper and colored in the Christmas tree, so I used them for cards that year, too.

The pens bled through, creating a constellation of dots on the other side.

Sometimes people noticed me drawing in meetings, like they had in school, but given my chosen profession(s), it hardly seemed worth mentioning to an artist/designer like me, so no one did. Until the year I began working for a small Jewish family that had great book packaging deals with the retail conglomerate Barnes & Noble. It put a whole new focus on me, as their star designer for a major American retailer. People jumped out of their skin around me, with their claws fully out, just like in art school.

They had a dysfunctional receptionist ("No, I'm an 'Office Manager'", and then she'd tell everyone around her that she didn't do office work), who clung to me voraciously, with the desperation of the drowning. She left me alone for awhile, until she got her "best friend" from high school fired, and then she turned her obsessive focus elsewhere, which naturally fell on me, the shiniest object in the room. I knew she was mentally ill because of her twitchy mannerisms and oddly disjointed way of speaking, plus she interrupted my work in the middle of a major deadline, which is the largest taboo we have in my industry. 

Magical dancing snowflakes, forever etched into my mind.

My look registered such shock at her brute assertion into my face for attention (over a banal relationship thing or another email about her poor socialization skills), that she immediately blurted "Oh, I'm bipolar" because it was that out of place for someone to do that to me at that point in my career. She promptly tried to retract it later on, when she turned on me (which I knew she would), after embodying every single facet of her original medical diagnosis many times over, for 10+ years on the job. After many a run-in with the psycho co-worker, I laid some serious ground rules with her in that first intimate conversation about personal matters, which she promised to abide by, but of course, couldn't fulfill.

Anyway, the owner was pushing me hard to befriend her, with a twinkle in his eye, because he used her gossip like a seeing eye dog would, which was fine by me. I got coveted face-out shelf space to promote my imprint (which is actually part of the job), and he could pick her straw head about whatever weirdo thing he wanted to. I knew the game of "Telephone" like a pro. And so we hung out a few times after work, but she couldn't get the necessary dirt she wanted to have as leverage over me with my genuine after-hours bonhomie.

Windmill toys, like the ones we played with as children.

Besides that, she had briefly attended F.I.T. for painting, and it's also part of my job to mentor junior design staff. She could never be a designer because of her learning impairments, but she could do basic illustration work, and so I allowed her to grow closer to me, while I was the one with the authority to careful demarcate appropriate adult boundaries. I still needed good press at the time, and her dull PR about me would help me buoy up a imprint that had lay fallow, so I could have time to turn it into a major moneymaker for the company.

It worked like a charm. She sung like a canary to anyone who would listen to her, and I got to pull a very lucrative project out of the fire, to infamous success. And, I did really like any person with creative aspirations (as I've been taught to do) who want to learn and do better, which she did seem to have, in spurts that came and went with the ups-and-downs of her serious brain disorder. It was really therapy for her, but that was fine, too: RISD masters in degree programs like Art Therapy and Art Education. The better I could break through to the rough spots on her mind, the better I got at my job.

You're a major star, baby!

I used her as a training tool, to better my conversations with a staff that was sub par for big city publishing in the tri-state area, and that was also part of my job, because the owner of the company told me that on my very first review. And so I signed concepts like "books" and "design" and "art" over and over into their hands, realizing that his employees dysfunctions mirrored those of his family, and not me or mine, because I met a lot of his family during my employ.

Their admin used me to gain artistic insight into creative genius, and I used her as a mouthpiece to telegraph whatever aspect of me that I felt the rest of the staff needed to know. She gained inspiration from me and my labors, which is also very typical for someone like me, too. I didn't mind. As I lectured to her at the reception desk, I could feel the entire company leaning in to listen to me, which was the gold in the bank that helped me to gain confidence and break through. I had an entire audience in the palm of my hand, every single day of my life, which has naturally led me here to you all.

A screw loose or two, or is it three, or...how many more?!

She was genuine in her admiration of me, as I was skillful in schooling her with the rest of the Special Needs adults who worked in the fringes of media. The first year of our acquaintance, she gave me a notebook, with the requisite hidden agenda attached: why don't you draw something we can sell to make money off of? I did no such fucking thing, because I was already making major bank that they could coattail off of, but I always enjoyed doodling. She once asked me what my scribblings meant, and I hesitated....who cares? But, as she eagerly awaited my answer, I gave her the most honest reply I could think of at the time: "I don't know....it doesn't really matter to me what they are. I call them 'hieroglyphics'".

A Keith Haring-inspired paramecium dancing in primordial fluid.

And now here we are years later, on a spiritual journey that has brought me back to very essence of my family's historical and cultural roots, buried deep in my DNA, but still very, very real: that time from our most sacred human area in a fertile river valley, tied forever to the lands of Ancient Mesopotamia, then Egypt, then the Greco-Roman era, onto modern Normans (be they Italian, Irish, or French-Swiss), and then my tribe that turned right and went east to India, walking (or sledding) over the Bering Land Bridge with our ancient dogs, to finally meet a boat of French men from Western Europe on the Americas most eastern shores, men who married the M'ikMak squaws from Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia, people who drew the cuneiform shapes that resembled the ancient language for those of us who have always loyally worshipped The Great Spirit. 

A "commercial artist", indeed.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0e/Mikmaq_sample_%28ave_Maria%29.jpg

 

RISD’s Ongoing Mission

The mission of Rhode Island School of Design, through its college and museum, is to educate its students and the public in the creation and appreciation of works of art and design, to discover and transmit knowledge and to make lasting contributions to a global society through critical thinking, scholarship and innovation.

Original Mission Statement
On March 22, 1877, the Rhode Island General Assembly ratified “An Act to Incorporate the Rhode Island School of Design.” The corporation, comprised of a forward-thinking group of men and women, artists and business leaders, educators and politicians, was formed “for the purpose of aiding in the cultivation of the arts of design.” The original bylaws set forth the following key objectives for RISD:

First. The instruction of artisans in drawing, painting, modeling, and designing, that they may successfully apply the principles of Art to the requirements of trade and manufacture.

Second. The systematic training of students in the practice of Art, in order that they may understand its principles, give instruction to others, or become artists.

Third. The general advancement of public Art Education, by the exhibition of works of Art and of Art school studies, and by lectures on Art.

http://www.risd.edu/About/History_Mission_Governance/Mission/

Bunny Ears

Baby Jimmy in Maine, with his dog "Ranger".

My Dad's first job was as a shoeshine boy*, and I knew that because he kept the old wooden box in the back of his closet. I used to take it out to play with the polishes and rags, which made my Dad laugh: "Here. (sticks foot out) You want a shoe to shine? Do mine, and if it's any good, I'll pay you." Acadian papas like do that to kids. You ain't never seen anyone pinch a penny harder than my dad and his people. It's how we survive the hard times, becoming so ingrained as a philosophy as to make it's way into a "Mainerism" (http://www.asmainegoes.com/content/youll-only-hear-these-sayings-maine); these folksy sayings that my Dad likes to see carved into wooden plaques, or stitched onto embroidered pillows. 

It's crafts-y and also really annoying, because almost everything is some saying, but like so much of his parenting, I may not like the feel of it as his kid, but those sayings are the things that stick with me in good times or bad. One of his famous "Mainer's" (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/mainer) about money is that he can "...pinch a penny so hard, Abraham Lincoln's head yells out loud." Oh (http://webpages.charter.net/lorilady/glossary.html). So, I guess you will now judge my work subpar so as to not pay me for this shoeshine? Yeah. Now go away, kid.

And so it went. His quips learned as a child, the ones so easy any child could understand, quickly became a very young and rather inexperienced fathers' lifelines that he reached for whenever he tried hard to parent, so much so that it hurt me to watch him struggle to do it right. I passed over all the normal checkpoints any smart child would have, including making the move from using his shoe shine as finger-paints to tying my own shoes, a barrier he never jumped over. 

My dad was raised mostly by my grandmother, in a large extended family that was spread out between Rhode Island, Maine, New York, and Canada. At times, he had needed someone to "show him the ropes" besides his working mother, a sharp-tongued Jones girl of hardy British Colonial and early Dutch descent. There wasn't much room for bullshit, and so my dad was often troubled as a boy. He often told me as an excuse that he never had a real father, especially when he screwed up really bad.

I vividly remember one afternoon with him in summertime, as I sat on the top stair of our house in New City. I asked my dad (in desperation) to help me with my shoes, because the front door was open to our yard filled with my yelling, playing brothers and shrieking neighborhood kids. I'd already figured out that he didn't know much about helping me, because he became angrily defensive and impatient like my oft-troubled mother did. 

After they gruelingly purchased a door-to door set of Encyclopedia Britannica's on layaway one year (they only sent the next volume with the next payment received), my mom used it as a constant "out" whenever she could, snapping "Go look it up!" in frustration of our interruption to her much-beloved dish-washing chore. My parents couldn't help us with most of our homework in our highly educated Rockland County public school system.

And so it was with my little kid's shoe. My dad, eager to earn money outside the home with his shoeshine kit, couldn't tie his own shoes very well. He tied my sneakers with the childish "bunny ear" method. When I pointed out that I was learning the harder "bow tie" knot, he sheepishly looked down at my feet, as he so often looks at his shoes with his bottom lip pouting in embarrassment, like a scared child who's been caught stealing candy, and then he looked up at me full in the face (which was rare) from the stair below me, and sheepishly admitted that he never learned how to tie his own shoes properly. 

I asked him about that on his last visit here in Pearl River, in a car ride over to Louie's for Sunday brunch: how had he got around that, with his clients not knowing about it? I was also raised to sweat over each and every dollar, and I wondered how a kid could do it without an adult catching on. Did he not untie them? 

I asked him about it from the backseat of his rental car, his wife in the front seat next to him. He nodded "yes" and said "yeah", inclining his head slightly towards me in the back seat as he read a copy of RISDxyz that I'd given to him to peruse during our wait, as we sat in the parking lot and in the pouring rain, waiting for the doors to the old house to open for business. Of course I already knew that, because I know him so very well, and now I know all about kids, too. I'd become a parent way before my time, just like he had.

This one's for you "Cashflow", on this day that begins your birthday weekend. I figured you were worth at least one good story, after all that money thrown my way. Let's keep this "Midas Touch" thing going that we are so famous for. Bon anniversaire.


* https://www.google.com/search?q=shoeshine&biw=1280&bih=872&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0CDwQsARqFQoTCK_RhpnOisYCFdEvjAodTZsCmQ

Murderer

You should know by now that I openly express my disdain about people who use and abuse their so-called "religious beliefs", because I've published a lot of information about the continued erudition behind the scholarly traditions that comprise my religion. It ain't easy, yo. And that's why serious faith is mishandled so often, because it is so very hard to do. That's why, as Catholics, we say we are "practicing" our faith. 

Of course, I've been chosen to receive the greatest of G-d's gifts, which I try to gracefully submit to, in service of those greater strengths, but that doesn't mean average people like it or understand it. Many people are held tightly in the grip of their inadequacies, and that was burned out of me a long, long time ago. I do occassionally brush up against rank ignorance, though deeply ingrained prejudices tend to stay in remotely isolated areas, but it can happen anywhere in the world. 

The quickest social distortion begins with our easily understood written text that originated as the spoken word of firsthand testimony and witness, through books that hold our most sacred human stories passed down from our ancestors as they developed a higher, burgeoning consciousness that'll ultimately connect us back the universe, through what we call "Universal Truths". To deny that logic is an everyday mindtrick I won out against a long time ago, too, because in my world, it was called "childhood": http://mariedoucette.blogspot.com/2015/03/acts-of-creation.html.

Just like our ABC's, the first intentional misunderstandings of our faith start with those basic rules called "Commandments", with the understanding that to err is human. It is through His Most Divine Mercy that all can be forgiven with His Infinite Grace. We also believe in a greater technological understanding than that which currently exists, which means we actively seek to evolve into unity with the sentient universe that is forever, to reside in what we call "The G-d Consciousness". I know it's really hard. That's why people of faith are the most educated.

We do not define "G-d's Consciousness" specifically as an old man with a beard who lives on a cloud in the sky, but we do understand that our ancestors tried to explain their striving through a visual pictorial that was an expression of our belief about a benevolent universal truth, which we are also ever-expanding (just like the universe) through our continued exploration of the vastness that is our inner/outer space, which is also extremely hard to fathom and explain. And so, our ancestors started on a path to enlightenment with rather crude (to our eyes) representations of an inner space that's also at the core of our being. It's a very intimate place to be, like fragile newborns with their new parents. Try that on for size one afternoon, as a collegiate teen smoking and drinking with friends around a campfire. "Whoa, dude! All we are, is, like, dust in the wind." Yeah! I know! Stardust, "twinkle-toes"!

So, we accept that it might take several lifetimes (or less, depending on the human being/situation) to achieve this actualization of the self, and that you may not attain it, like, ever, because you suck, and heaven is for holy people ONLY. That's why we study so friggin' much. It's driven by a noble quest for the truth that's out there, as part of what can sometimes be an insatiable curiosity to find Our Maker within the beginnings of all life, like an epiphanic (http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/epiphany) flash of light and heat and collision and implosion that's expressed as an outward explosion, in a great BIG BANG! We want to propel ourselves backwards and forwards through time and space, seeking out an intergalactic journey that's also occurring simultaneously as an inner space within the apex of our human consciousness: on earth, as it as in Heaven. What is within us is also out there. Dude.

You kinda need to understand a lot of stuff (or not, as the case may be), and that includes basic reading/writing skills. I've come across learning disorders and other common brain disabilities/impairments so often that I've learned to group my spiritual gifts of understanding, compassion, and erudition in the rare class it belongs to rather than, say, your flawed interpretation of the rules.

For now, I want you to focus on what "Thou Shall Not Kill" really means, which is actually a ban against having a maliciously murderous intent towards your neighbor (as in, "Love Thy Neighbor"). Many extremist iterations exist that supposedly work in service to The Ten Commandments, and, as such, are likely be totally incorrect. That's the price you pay for a shaky foundation, like not knowing how to spell or simple mathematics. How do I do that? Oh, good! Here we go. Again.

I want you to spend this upcoming weekend contemplating that somewhere in the world, you are considered a murderer, because you have killed. The ridiculous "fruitarian" from the movie "Notting Hill", who only eats stuff fallen to the ground, considers you to be so, because you "murdered" the harvested carrot on her plate that is her belief system, fucked up as that is. Of course, that's just the surface that masks her mental illness(es) and eating disorder(s), like today's marketing-induced "gluten-free" jerk who merely seeks to trendily mask their fussy anorexia behind a legitimate case of Celiac's Disease or genuine gluten intolerance. Trust me: you don't ever want to feel that sick, even if you lose a few pounds from violent diarrhea and near-constant vomiting. Asshole.

Someone else's indifference to killing a spider in the bathroom is another person's holy fiat, as a Buddhist monk so strict, he carries a broom to sweep the ground before his feet, so as to prevent himself from killing anything. Yeah, it's extreme, but it's also this guy's legitimate cultural belief, because it was developed before they knew that life exists outside the limitations of human sight. It's kind of batshit, but he came about it honestly with what he had on hand technologically, at the time. He also thinks he might come back as a fruit fly if he screws up life badly enough, as a just punishment for his very human undoings. In truth, it's technically involved and spiritually in-depth, which is why you totally shouldn't do it. Their version of reincarnation is not your genetic inheritance, because you definitely don't have the Nepalese in you to do it correctly. Trust me, wigga. Yeah, you.

But, posers do it all the time. They deliberately misappropriate from another culture to hide whatever fucked up stuff they're too chickenshit to face directly, so they borrow someone's deep faith that's been passed down from their ancestors for millennia, like that yenta from yoga class who was totally reborn in an expensive ashram overseas (way spiritual, way existential), before returning from her vacation as the insufferable "guru" at your local gym, as self-righteous and obnoxious as ever.

And so it goes. To the faithful Hindu or Buddhist, you are a disgusting, meat-eating blasphemer blindly consuming their sacred cow. Think about that this weekend, while you bithely grab some hamburger patties to char during your backyard barbecue. Or, perhaps the next time you hero-worship that guy who slit women and children's throats during his "Fog of War" overseas while fighting our "enemies", who's now trying to cope with horrific flashbacks all day every day, while he sits in a lawn chair drinking a beer right next to you. He's a killer. I want you to openly wear the moniker of "Murderer" this weekend, as you go about your day-to-day life. 

Think about how you look to someone outside your particular set of cultural references. From this starting place, we will move forward to the more difficult questions facing society. That's all for today, "Mes étudiants". Live well, and with great intent.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Commandments

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/murder

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_%28United_States_law%29

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/kill