Smear

 

Women's healthcare (and women's bodies) have long been demonized by an extremist sector of our society who continually struggle with their sexual identity, gender, and maturity level, which means that the rest of us have to be subjected to their continued insanity as it relates to those topics, and I want that very much to stop. Like, today. It came to a sharp point for me through the pet adoption process I did with a couple of high school drop-outs not of my social set; like, not even related to someone on the bottom rung of my family, ya dig? 

As such, they were so far off from reality and where they should be as human beings, that I found basic communication with them difficult, which means they're psychotic, especially when it's when combined with all the scientific evidence someone like me can drum up with a team of ethical experts like myself. What I'm saying to you in plain English is this: me and my mom always knew Angel and Dom were fucking nuts, but they were crazy enough to take care of a beloved family pet, and that's what we needed then. Anything else, like their false sense of friendship towards a woman like me, was entertained with my promise to Teddy in mind, like any real mother would do.

It's not that I particularly disliked them as people, it's just that they're the kind of people working behind the PetCo counter at the local strip mall who handed me my change, or the woman handing dental instruments to my dentist while I got a routine exam. Angel never attended college, nor did her ex-husband (although several prior ex-husbands could have been college educated...who knows?), and neither did any of their children, or children's children, because they way they kept their freaky "lifestyle" intact was brainwashing their young with their half-ass theories of life that cannot be supported in higher learning institutions (from the sheer volume of its madness), nor out in the world at large, or even in the wider social circles among their rather unhealthy inbred set of mountain folk, a place where child birth by uneducated teenage girls is considered an acceptable practice, which is about as far from me and my family as you can get.

It made for some strange bedfellows, like Angel's vehement support of gay lifestyles and gay marriage (really, anything "gay" at all), that she combined with her rather pedestrian view of women's healthcare that her wacko father taught her, that meant killing babies in secret satanic rituals the rest of us call "clinics" or "hospitals" or "the ob/gyn" or "doctor's offices", because her fucked-up dad told her that the tissue we generate—that may or may not grow to full-term in a woman's uterus—was, in actuality, fully gestated already at the beginning of the fertilization process, which means that women everywhere transport a tiny-size human shrunk down to impossible proportions that's pushed through her egg sack into the Fallopian tube, to attach to the uterus like an astronaut with an air-line floating in outer space looking to attach to the hull of a speeding spaceship. And I'm a sci-fi fan!

She used her rudimentary skills as a barely-educated dental admin (six-month certificate, tops) combined with her rigorous pet store training to tell me that they had "pictures" to support her point of view, which means they go to some quack who bought an old camera from a defunct doctor's office on Craigslist to sell made-up pictures to other crazy pregnant women who want a photo to put on their fridge of their "baby" to brag about to other nut-jobs, and they're also highly Photoshopped recreations that are not based on any particular scientific reality, other than keeping the insane somewhat gainfully employed. Out of this weird cocktail of half-baked ideas and rigorously-guarded ignorance came about Angel's special blend of the next generation of fucked-up bipolar bisexuals, like her porno-appearing daughter whom she touted to me and my mom (on the one visit we had with Ted at one of her exes houses) as a real beauty, and that was also not true, in addition to all of her bad medicine.

What it did produce was this: Angel's gay daughter—who self-describes her education on Facebook as "the school of hard knocks"—attached herself to a strip mall BJJ dojo because I'm a fighter, to rub up against other weirdos who have mental patient fetishes, then turn that legitimate martial arts scene into bad, amateur online porn by frequenting underground sex clubs with rubber mats and no lighting but lots of body oil, to get knocked up out-of-wedlock twice by a gay Brazilian instructor at her dojo who needed to establish residency here in the U.S. (and a kid would do that for him), in between her day job as, yep, another dental "assistant" from some certificate program for high school dropouts. 

But, "abortion" was "murder", and over that, her and her fucked-up daughter were vehement, vicious, and very vocal about, which must be a great hit at every Pride Day parade, you know, as a place where people are dependent on "straights" like me and my men to provide eggs and semen for them as couples, then carry their kids for them (for the guys), or adopt our kids when something goes awry in a pregnant teenager's life, and it will. That was wrong, but everything else they did was OK. How's that for a smear campaign? It's one heck of a crazy cocktail. People, you have to vote to be heard in this country. That's it. So, do that. Vote for for sanity. Vote for reason. Vote for education. Vote for healthcare, for all of our citizens, because you're worth it to me. That's what civil rights is all about, kids, even you assholes in the back of the room who will fail out at 14 or 15. Imagine how the president feels? That strongly. And that well-educated.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labor_induction
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_abortion
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misoprostol
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cervical_dilation
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childbirth
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obstetrics_and_gynaecology
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gynaecology
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obstetrics
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obstetrics_%26_Gynecology_(journal)

http://similac.com/pregnancy/3-weeks-pregnant

 

Hot Shots

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heroin

Years ago I saw a television story about a storefront in San Francisco that catered to the heroin addicts in their neighborhood. It's a brilliant idea. On the street level are partially walled stalls to give addicts some privacy, while allowing a rotating healthcare worker to check-in with their patients by simply walking past every so often. If they felt someone was in trouble, there's a nurse on staff to give them a life-saving shot that prevents an overdose.

After their patients became comfortable with that level of transparency, they could tour the upper floors of the building with staffers to see their in-care services, like their rehab program and transitional housing. After I saw it, I thought to myself: why aren't we replicating this program in every major city across America? It just made so much sense to me that I knew it was the answer we've been seeking as a society.

And so, it was with great happiness and a shock of recognition that I saw on the local news this week that our fair city here in New York plans to introduce a similar street-front model catering to heroin addiction. Why not? We already have rehab, detox, and disability. Why not spare families and their addicted family members from dying by a bad shot misapplied? This way, we can save a lot of people living on both sides of addiction. It's the way out for you, friends. Take it!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supervised_injection_site 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harm_reduction

Mindful Eating

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cornucopia

I'm often asked about common healthcare facets of our daily lives like diet and nutrition, which is baffling. Why? I kept a food diary way back in elementary school for a class project about healthy eating habits (which were turned in and graded by our six grade teacher) and by now, I can pull a book off of any available shelf to give you handsomely tailored advice, but that's not the problem, is it? No, like most of our typical societal woes, we suffer under the weight of other people's disorders because mental healthcare, like drug addiction, is kept in the closet like the deeply guarded dark secret we pretend it is. How can that be true, when so many people have diseases?

Most often, women are the ones who question me carefully about food and the body, looking for flaws in me that they see in themselves, through my careful presentation of information that defines my vocation (which is also my pleasure) to do so. I know it's because they have multiple afflictions, not least of which is centered around a serious brain disorder (or two, or three, or four). More curious to me is why they think they can solve any problems at all, rather than consistently questioning the good people around them, because they force us to serve as a mirror to their common dysfunctions and brain misfires.

I've tried talking young women through Anorexia Nervosa, bulimia, low self-esteem, Body Dysmorphic Disorder*, plus a few other pop culture terms that were so new to a master wordsmith like me, I had to ask for definitions to them, like "carbface" (reflecting trendy anti-carbohydrate beliefs) and "fathead": that's when a disordered person sees a fatter figure in the mirror than an accurate reflection of the self, made weirder because it was told to me by a deranged young woman who thinks of herself as a figurative artist. OK....that's really bad. I have to back away from social distortions of that magnitude because it crosses over into seriously professional expert care, and I don't have time to get a degree in every discipline on the planet just for your needs alone, though I suppose I could if I had the time.

These aren't the types of conversations that one can talk their way through. Why would you think anyone could? I can't speak magical words that are the equivalent of years of intensive medical care, though like any decent woman my age, I would cure you instantly if I could. Rather, I deliver my lifelong "prescriptions" for the Art of Living Well in sober tones that addicts loathe hearing: it's hard work combined with rigorous discipline and education.  

For you? Add several prescriptions given to you by seriously qualified medical personnel, plus a team of healthcare experts to watch over you and your every move, you irresponsible immature jackass. 
But that's actually the truth. In publishing, we try to modernize it to match your brain living in this time, though honestly, most of it's old information to us, carefully designed by the intellectual elite living in this century as thus: food is not new to humans, yo.

And so it was that I followed a very good and very strict training regime tied to my martial arts schedule, because I was raised as a young girl in a school of classical French Ballet taught by a former Rockette who danced at Radio City as a teenager, and I could have followed that path, too. Ditto with gymnastics, swimming, and any other sport I liked at the time. Could you do that? No? No kidding! And so I don't tell you that about me, because what would be the point? How would you benefit from my prowess in those areas when you don't have my body, brain, training, or skill sets? You wouldn't. 

Same with my occasional and sometimes seasonal use of a certain "Fat Smash" diet (heavy on the home-prepared brown rice as a staple for the program's introductory phase), one so severe that the excellent physician who penned the book (and all the recipes in it) does it on t.v. for major network programs tied to weight loss and body conditioning as professional media content. Still not you? No kidding! I tracked my food intake, nutritional requirements, and exercise regimen through an online tool for years, with an app downloaded onto my smartphone for added convenience, next to an app that tells me what fresh fruits and vegetables are in season locally, so I can prepare gourmet meals of my own creation. Not you either? Huh...isn't that odd. 

Of course it isn't! It isn't you or your life to lead. You have to figure it out like I did, through "trial and error" guided by my own expertise, but you don't have those facets, do you? Welcome to the Twin Arts of "Empathy" and "Perfection" that define my worlds in design and publishing. Feeling small in comparison? That's because you simply don't belong there. I do. Oprah once brilliantly said (more than once, as is common for those of us living our lives through the public media arts) that if the biggest problem you have today is that you have too much food to eat, then you don't have any real problems at all, because that's true. Hers aren't about food. She can buy and eat anything she wants. No, it wasn't food that greatly pained her as a young girl. 

You did, with your gross inappropriateness through your continued untreated medical disorders, the same ones that led her male family member to transgress against her in the worst ways that a sick adult man can against a vulnerable young girl whose only crime was pleasing an older family member, as she was taught to do. You wronged her through your constant, continued neglect in this world. Not me.

http://www.fox5ny.com/news/53558105-story 

http://www.foodbanknyc.org/ 

* http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd

Bad Brains

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain

Believe it or not, New York has always been ranked first in healthcare and medical research, because as one the biggest metropolises ever to exist on this planet, we have populations suffering from an enormous amount of illness and disorders, with many that are still unnamed, untreated, and undiagnosed. Because we live such public lives, real working lives that revolve heavily around public spaces, New Yorkers are pragmatic about the world we live in, rather than pretending that bad things happen somewhere else, because if it's weird in human, it's probably already happened here. We've seen it all, barring gross inhuman criminal activities that are clearly not supported by the average American lifestyle.

We support the right to pursue happiness*, so much so that it is written into our most powerful document called "The Constitution", in our united "Declaration of Independence" given to Great Britain many years ago. We DO NOT (and this is a key concept, one central to our lifestyle) support lying drunks who spit in our faces, because we never have, and we never will. You'd actually be surprised how many people discover that they are, at heart, not actually American after they emigrate here, because fighting for freedom is really hard work that requires near-constant maintenance. You have to, for instance, vote, if you want change, and that means you have (at the very least) a child's understanding of the key issues of the day. It's, like, work, you know? In a way, each private citizen is a "publican"** who serves the state's best interests, and if you violate the basic tenets that govern our society, we fucking hate you, almost.

What I mean is this: we really (REALLY) don't like the type of fuck-ups other countries tolerate routinely, so if you are, say, a corrupt alcoholic schizophrenic warlord who likes siphoning off charitable relief funds and gunning down little boys, we tend to really really frown down upon that. That would be an example of not pursuing happiness. Easy, right? An yet, each and every day, we have to safeguard our society against the worst influences the world has to offer, because that's exactly what the world ejects into our harbors, sending people fleeing across borderlines, risking life and limb. Would you float on a flimsy wooden raft across a wild ocean, if you had a shot at happiness in your homeland? No! You would not, and neither would I. 

Which brings me to today's point about psychoses and the world: how exactly did your people become so inbred and fucked up as yours that brings you here, under my nose, today? We are passionately curious about your disease(s) and we want to help, even if that means wiping you off the face of the earth, if need be. Witness this: every day in my hometown, we have the same handful of dumb rotten drunks committing crime in broad daylight, day after grueling day. They have absolutely nothing to do all day but cause problems, but what to do? I'm not their shrink, and they don't put money in my fucking pocket, so what do I get out of policing them, except as a private citizen? Pay me to tame your fuck up, and watch me fly right through it, with brilliant results. Position me on the sidelines without an army of funds to fight with? No, that I don't do. Nothing in it for me, beside my own personal safety, which I most certainly ensure wherever I am, using the laws already on the books that govern the day.

But that creepy toothless bitch blowing cigarette smoke right into your kid's face? Uh uh, fuck up. You handle that. You birthed those kids, they're your problem. What does anyone get out of enabling other people in their own lives? We just don't do that here. Freedom means you are responsible enough as a mature adult that you tend to your own health (and that of your family's), with the understanding that very smart people like me will help you out in any way we can, without actually holding back your greasy hair as you vomit into the bars' bathroom toilet, bitch. I don't do that kind of social work. Ever. I don't know anyone who does. It's like asking the President of the United States of America to grow organic wheat to spread on all those peanut butter sandwiches he made over the weekend, if he wants American children to eat healthy lunches every day (like our former President Carter***, one-time peanut farmer). Well, he better get started right now, so that your kid eats a good lunch today, right? WTF?!

What I can do is exactly this: publicize the most recent research (and results) that we have in the Year of Our Lord in 2015, knowing that I most avidly support the cure to your alcoholism, personality disorder, sexual dysfunction, etc. And you know what, toothless hag with the bad attitude? That's more than your fat ass will ever deserve from someone like me. But that's why G-d loves being an American, just like I do. Deal, bitch! We deal with you and your stank ass every single friggin' day, and you know what? We're tired of it, so much so, I have thus bequeathed the local ugly bitch with the raging brain disease who serves as our neighborhood cautionary tale for children by donating her hideous body and rotten brain to science, after she kicks the bucket through her daily chain-smoking, beer-swilling, junk-food eating, pill-popping habits, so that we can look at her poisonous dark matter safely sealed behind clear medical-grade glass, safe and sound.

That's the best I can for her and the rest of you, out there in the fun up-and-down carnival that is your Bipolar Disorder Land: the world's scariest ride ever, besides watching her die right underneath my eyes. It's time that we put an end to people's suffering by aiding our healthcare providers in their quest to ease families stricken with mental diseases and disabilities. Join my cause! Volunteer as a subject! You'll be well-compensated for your effort, lab rat:http://www.childmind.org/en/cmi-biobank/rockland-sample/. I promise you that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathan_S._Kline

http://www.rfmh.org/nki/welcome/kline.cfm

 
*  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life,_Liberty_and_the_pursuit_of_Happiness
** https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Publican
*** https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Carter