Additional information for the reading-impaired also handily supplied with this pictorial example below that shows natural skin tones as they exist currently on our planet Earth:
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| http://www.quora.com/How-is-skin-color-determined-in-babies |
It's also called strange things like "Genetics" and "Science", so if you want to parent with another human through that ancient ritual of bonding that's "mating", you can have a general idea about basic traits that your children might have. Of course, not all parents care about skin tones, just like some people don't need to know the gender of their baby in utero to have a happy healthy family. So, why do I bring it up? I'm so glad you asked that question, too!
Think of today's post like a P.S.A., or "Public Service Announcement", because me and my friends (I know. We've talked.) are sick and tired of freak-show shit that isn't funny, like the kind of crap you see on scary shows about desperate mentally ill "housewives" off their meds and onto booze, in (once again) a scarily competitive "lesbian cheerleader" type of way; not that there's anything wrong with that, we just want to be perfectly clear about why you (as a human) might disturb us out in the wild.
Because who else but a totally effin' deranged weirdo would ape the skin color of a make-believe, surreal, scary cartoon-type of character from a freaky 70s movie like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?! Weirdos do: that's who does sh#t like that. Weirdos want to look insane, not normal decent people who bear children because they love kids and their partner, or we want to add value to the world by raising healthy, happy, and well-adjusted children.
This, as seen below, is definitely not our great inspiration for skin tones (again, with a handily-supplied visual for reference, as seen below):
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| http://www.inkntan.com/FAQ/Orange-Stigma-Oompa-Loompa.aspx |
As a further, deeper layer of investigation and public scrutiny into their crazy subculture (also serving as a "how-to" guide about what to avoid out there in the big scary world), please note they often combine it with their go-to bat-shit hair color of "Unnatural Peroxide-White Blonde" that's straight out of the bottle and far from human, too.
They've evolved their own particular and often very rigidly defined look through repeated exposure to a daily freaky toxic cocktail of Eating Disorders, weirdo competitiveness over nothing types of guys and/or girls, scripted reality t..v. show appearances, Round-Robin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Round-robin) stints in rehab/mental health care facilities for their ( INSERT YOUR ADDICTION HERE ) _______________, and mandatory breast enhancement surgery, often also freely electing to undergo many painfully invasive and highly dangerous cosmetic procedures, in a quest to look what they think is acceptably "Shiksa" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiksa) or "Gentile" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gentile), which is a really disparaging way to fetishsize goy peoples of the world (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goy).
You should know that we are totally on to you, so get the fuck out of our way or we'll eat you for breakfast, hexen. This is our town, too! Also a big "Hey, there!" and loud "HEY, NOW!" shout-out to my Rockland kids from way back when, and all my other 'round-the-way New York types: this one's for all of you who've also just fucking had it, today. I feel for you, so hang in there. I got your back, baby.
