Around the Way: Bite the Big Apple

I've had this conversation so many times, I felt like some recent photos that I took in my neighborhood should illustrate this entry, and I should finally write this down for all to see: I use Mac computers because they are the predominant desktop publishing operating system for artists and designers. I am not endorsed by Apple in any way, shape, or form, nor I do not have stock in them or their ancillary companies. And guess what? My artist, designer, writer, and creative neighbors use the same tools too, which makes us an Apple town. Huh. I wonder why that is? Let me tell you why.

When I was in college in 1992, I took a photojournalism class. The professor showed us a beta version of Photoshop (the top rated photography software) on a small, beige Mac computer that had three palette tools: a selector, a paint bucket, and a brush tool. He taught us how to select an area of a black and white photograph and color it red (OOO! AAAH! Never seen that before!), as he explained to us that Adobe had partnered with Apple systems to design software specifically created for artists and designers. Upon the end of his trial with the software (by both himself and in his students), he would fill out a survey with feedback and send it back to Adobe Systems, where they would then develop the next generation of tools for us to use in the future, based on this research.

Great big mystery revealed. After I got my first job in publishing, I was told that in order to work in an art or design department, I would have to learn and master what was then the desktop "Trilogy": QuarkXPress, Photoshop, and Illustrator, because those are the tools we use to make your books and magazines. No one asked me to take a survey as a production assistant, or which computers I would like to use based on my personal self-interest. And once again, the reasons were professional: the pre-press facilities, typesetters, printers and production people who ran the printing presses had converted to Mac computers and desktop publishing because THEY WERE (and still are) THE PEOPLE WHO GAVE ADOBE THE FEEDBACK THEY NEEDED TO MAKE THESE TOOLS IN CONJUNCTION WITH THE MAC OPERATING SYSTEM. As a result, these types of desktop software operate best on an Apple OS, and this was done deliberately by design to form a powerful synergy based on real-life working conditions.

That is why when you use a masking tool in Photoshop, it turns to red—because before computers, hand done mechanicals used a material called "Rubylith"*, a red plastic that refracts UV light in the film process to create a "mask" over the art that you did not want color to print on. The very tools and terms you use every day come from the printing and publishing industries, even if you are not aware of the history. Now that you are informed, there's no excuse or reason for your ignorance, hostility, or anger. Right?
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubylith

Wrong. I was recently attacked on a design-based message board by someone who accused Mac users of being superficially trendy people who are swayed by advertising, which was specifically disproved in my previous three or four comments and backed up by other board commenters. There's always one person who either 1) can't use the hardware or software or 2) thinks Apple, Mac, and Adobe form a big conspiracy against them personally and 3) they have a paranoid ax to grind about it. We were responding to a student who wanted to know why professionals used one operating system over the other and we gave her a string of great, rational, information-filled answers, with examples, price points and historical facts, just like the the ones I presented here, but there's always one kook in the group who feels left out and starts lashing out for attention. And ladies, ain't it always a woman in meetings lookin' to tear your shit down?

I'm an old hand at these types of situations, having been in many a surreal meeting at risk of my job with a bunch of people who do not do the work and do not understand it because they can't do it. Hence the rabid, panicky fear response to technologies. So with this beeyotch on some online message board, I was like "bring it". There are creative jobs that evolved with PC-based systems on low-end hardware like Dell or HP's which use 3-D rendering software like AutoCad in professions like engineering and architecture. But, we had already covered that. 

No, no. This isn't actually about computers, and I know that. It's because someone who looks like me can use them at an expert level, and I can also teach you how to use them. You see, I'm not a graphic design "nerd" stereotype. I don't have a mousy passive-aggressive demeanor and arty, black framed glasses. I don't do just design, I do art, production, writing, consulting, business and occasional IT chores if need be because I have to hustle to make it. And that is very threatening to a certain wanna-be geek crowd, because I am not a "wanna-be" in any way, shape, or form.

Now, in an office setting, I pride myself on a certain pulled-together respectability and cool demeanor, but out here in the wild, there ain't no such rules. I went back and forth with this chatter once, and she flipped on me. So when this chick decided to go there and disrespect me, I did what any self-respecting 'round-the-way New York girl would do: I told her to shut the fuck up and if she couldn't do that, I could rip off her arm and beat her over the head with it. Oh, was that wrong of me to do? Then, I blocked her comments. Sure enough, about a half an hour later, a typical looking lanky-haired, black square-glassed design "moderator" of the group told me she didn't like that "type" of language (hey lady, go fuck yourself) and I wrote back to her that I don't like being attacked for no good reason. I mean if my information was so bad, remove me as a contributor to your board. Right? Crickets. Nothing happened.

So. Here's the deal for anyone in the so-called design crowd who thinks they can take their snippy pot shots and hide, like you've been doing since school. Uh uh. In this town, if you can't win an argument by reason and you get pissed off about it, that's your fucking problem. Do the research and come prepared, like we working class kids do. Ain't nuthin' handed to you here. You have to earn it. Because in The Big Apple, we are not your average "design" clichés of the simpering backstabber or the secret little game player like they portray on reality  t.v. shows and in movies. Some of us bite that damn apple as hard as we bark, because I grew up eating apples bitch. Go out there and get yours today in the urban jungle, homey. This is our habitat, and don't you forget it. Growwwl.

Raging Against Machines

In Tech Land, we have a concept called "Intuitive", which means that the user should be able to figure out how to accomplish computer actions through reason and deduction. It's also called an "Ideal", but of course reality is quite another state of being.

This morning I wanted to put some photos onto my iPhone from my home computers' desktop. For most Mac actions, our tools, devices, and interfaces employ a sophisticated, tight type of coding called "Drag and Drop". You see where you would like your items to be, you click on the item (either individually or as folders), and you drag them there.

It mimics the same type of hand and eye coordination humans have developed through evolution. Now that PC usage (which stands for "personal computing") has spread to the masses through lower end devices like Dells and cheap overseas laptops, you get what you pay for: less zeros and ones, the codified language that mitigates every action you take on a computer.

That's why cheap computers and software are more prone to hacking. Believe me, I am no acolyte to either camp nor paid endorser: I'm simply an artist who uses the system and tools designed for my type of work, which makes me a Mac user. And I know the difference between the types of devices. They are coming closer together every day, but sometimes I still fall right into the gap that separates the masses from the expert.

So, when I went to drag some photos from my desktop to my iPhone and I could not perform such a simple action, I knew "fuckery" was involved. I launched iTunes, explored all the sub menus, and I still could not intuit the action. That means my creative thinking stops, I stop what I am doing, and I now have to problem-solve like an IT support person, only without the Indian accent and time zone delays.


For an expert, heavy user like myself, non-intuitive actions signify two things: 1) that these tools have been watered down for the masses, and 2) that PC thinking is required, none of which I encounter daily. You see, the more intensive the coding, the higher the concentration of zeros and ones, the more complicated the interfaces and tools are, which means when stuff shits the bed, the tougher a problem it is to solve. The tighter the coding, the more time and money was invested in research and development.

As a Mac user, I don't mind servicing easy tech problems because I use those portions of my brain frequently, but you do not. I then do what any lay person does—I "googled" a query looking for a solution. This is a relatively easy problem to for me solve, and find the answer I did, in the form of a simple instructional video produced and narrated by a techie. As a publishing pro, I have the crushing weight of deadlines on me constantly while looking at a clock, frequently with people standing by my shoulder breathing their hot breath on the back of my neck. Sound scary? The last non-creative I involved in my work flow had trouble sleeping and experienced heart palpitations. Welcome to our world.

To my sheer delight, I found a PC user online who hit the same roadblock, producing a stream of invectives against Apple computing that made my heart sing. Of course, he's wrong—its actually the dumbness of involving a larger group of less educated people into what was once a rare type of computing that is now a coding and way of computing between devices that's outsourced overseas and slapped together to the keep up with demand of mass production, but I loved the spirit of his angst.

"Why can't I just do this now when I want to?" It's so childish, so basic to human nature that it always snaps reality into perspective for me. For those of you who think we will become enslaved to machines like some crazily paranoid SciFi novel, be rest assured: it's still as dumb as your fucking neighbor and co-worker, you just have to dig a little deeper to find it.

Now I have those photos back on my iPhone where they belong (I took snap shots of the sign that shows the working hours for my local branch of the Brooklyn Public Library) and now I have the Power of Grayskull back in my hands, plus this gem of a screen shot to share. Enjoy and revel in the awesome pleasure of raging against stupid machines.

Tech Angst

With any technology comes a certain amount of b.s. For heavy computer users like myself, who have to know massive amounts of complicated software to eke out a living, one often finds oneself in the position of I.T. support. When deadlines are looming, and the clock is ticking, it's not a good space to be in. Many of us did not go to school for computer programming, and those artists who did will tell you that at some point you have to choose an industry and devote time to it, like any other finely-honed skill.

So. What did we do back in the day, before online forums existed to blow off steam and get info, when tempers flared? We resurrected irritating characters from children's lore, in order to massacre them. And that was the beauty of the Mac screensaver "Barney Carnage." Now, many of my readers know I love to illustrate and write for children, so don't get me wrong here. It's not the genre I loath, it's this friggin' show, because it's overly simplistic, condescending, pseudo feel-good tripe. And I despise that tone. As did the creator of this particular brand of scathing social commentary, because Barney skittered across the screen, hokily repeating in that dopey voice "Two plus two is four. Two plus two is four. Two plus two is four. Two plus two is four." over and over, invoking hatred and an itchy trigger finger.

http://hujackus.tripod.com/barney-carnage/barney_carnage.html

Enter in the Stick-It-to-The-Man mentality for many Mac users. You see, we did not choose, as a group, to use this operating system. Desktop publishing companies joined with printing presses to profit off the digital age, and voila! If you wanted to work at a low-paying creative job (with the exception of architects and 3D modelers, who are PC-based), you learned to use a Mac. And in my case, on my own, after my day job ended, at night with the aid of books I paid for, on the computers of graphic designer friends, at the house where we worked. Because, of course, I did not learn all I needed to know about being an expert in pre-press software at school. How shocking.

http://hujackus.tripod.com/barney-carnage/barney_carnage.html

And, because our systems are 1) more expensive and 2) harder to use, some companies get the heebie jeebies and screw us on tech support and equipment servicing. We learned enough to do that, too, so we could get back to doing our jobs. Follow me, here? We learned what we had to, in order to get back to doing what we get paid to do. Sucko, isn' it? Luckily, top artists and designers are a smart and adaptable lot, so we made the transition, willingly or not. But let me make know mistake with my message here: if many of us had the choice, we would choose to make the work over servicing a machine, like a mechanic. These are our tools, ya feel me? 

It was in this vein that I looked for (mostly in vain), the old screensaver that was packaged with MacOS 9 systems called "Barney Carnage". A co-worker stabs you in the back intentionally? Stab Barney! An incompetent employee bogging you down? Blow up a Barney with an atom bomb, to create a wonderfully colorful mushroom cloud! The best part? It was in the spirit and humor of a video game.

Look to the weekend, office drones, and know that Friday is here.

You are not alone!

For you geeks out there with a Classic system loaded on a old machine, have at it and enjoy: http://www.macintoshgarden.org/games/barney-carnage

Some history on the subject. Who new the Barney industry was so gangsta? We did! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-Barney_humor