Showing posts with label vanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vanity. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

À Votre Service


M symbol

Vocational service is odd to outsiders, until you try it. My mother and her family are sometimes so disabled, that to them (mostly on the surface, when being a true "drama queen" really counts), the idea that I have a business where I can publish to you daily from a public library cannot penetrate the denseness of their disordered consciousness. "But...someone else gives you a job...and you don't have a 'job'!" 

None of them have business degrees, or MBA's, or business degrees from famous Ivy League schools with MBA's attached to it, like my brothers do, nor the entrepreneurial experience all of us as a family have, because as proud members of the merchant class, we believe that honest trade is a good measure in any kind of society. Fair trade is defined to us as a "win/win" situation, which is the only type of business I transact. You read me, and we all benefit from it. You see?

I do not have commercial advertisers because I am a not-for-profit, and I come from religious family. Who better to fund me than my own kind, the same people who first showed me the beautiful traditions of our faith? They drove me to all those extra "Religion" classes after our regular public school curriculum days ended—our parents, grandparents, and anyone else who was trustworthy and going to Confession on a Saturday afternoon before a big holiday. They drove us to classes, church services, and all those devotional duties (besides religion class) that are required by canonical law for us to accept the rites conferred upon us through our ancient rituals, beginning at birth through to today. It's an important part of my service.

Yeah. It's a lot of school, study, and thought. Why do all that?! Lazy people have a hard time with honest labor that they can't easily game for a quick buck, and I have family who are much less ethical than me. My mom had the audacity to tell me the other day that I "just go to the library", after I showed her the Claddagh pin that the Director of the Library gave me as I sat here typing to you on St. Patrick's Day, because I'm here Monday through Friday, every single week (barring emergencies and holidays), banging it out on some old PC keyboard, off the top of my head, sitting next to your New York "public", and if you think that isn't hard, try it on your own with my minuscule budget, without any staff to assist you. 

Then, I presented my mother with the works of two master children's book illustrators, old books that I found here and bought at a bargain rate (to assess her ongoing decline, and any lessening in her acuity), a soil conservation program shadily sponsored by a pharmaceutical company through a Midwest university that I thought she might be interested in (as a former botanist who had a blessedly quick brush-up with breast cancer), and a coupon from our local carpet guy that we always use, with deep roots in the community. She heard...uh....some of it. Attention spans were never their strong suits, but that's a long list of medical diagnostics for another day other than today.

Suffice to say, I have family so disordered at times that they don't understand (and this is a very short list of their ongoing ignorance): devotional service (unless you're part of a clergy they can pay/control), vocational service (like doing social work, volunteer charity work, and/or teaching with skills that you can't buy at some broke-ass dollar store), and my continually ongoing artistic devotion with hardcore spiritual high notes, as endeavors so outside of their norms that they can't figure out how to infiltrate a presence like mine on the Internet, because computers are to be demonized and feared, lest someone "beats" you in that, too. It's arrogance and insecurity at its worst, and quite of few of them go down hard because of it. False pride is the worst kind of sin to carry. I strongly urge you to free yourself from it, through the Rites of Confession before this Easter Sunday.


Since they can't marginalize my website by attacking its quality, they say it isn't a "real job", like every threatened amateur afraid of artistry before them, and that truly is scary, because those inherited genetics are built from their fears. Because I don't work through a corporate entity someone can attack (like a public holding), then I must not be "in business", and since I can't be railroaded into accepting a high interest bank loan, then my father must not be my venture capitalist, since there are no shareholders to manipulate. There's just me and the obvious strength of my gifts. Ahhh....I see a dawn of recognition in your eyes. Good! You have to be as good as we are in this game called "Life" to know when someone is helping you build an edifice that can't be disseminated in thousands of little ways that gangsters, er, business lawyers can gain off your labor without you even knowing it. 

Needless to say, my few brush-ups with court systems, judges, and lawyers (none of my doing, actually, and through no fault of my own) taught me all I needed to know about how those venues are gamed by the players operating them economically, and that is not my joint. This is. What about me? As someone who's been in this little game called "media" since, well, almost all my life, I know that this freedom I have with you, my audience, is a much harder currency to earn than any money you can deposit in someone else's bank for their financial gain, and this New York girl ain't havin' none of that. You've already had more than your fair share, my dear family. Pour la Belgique.

 
Naval Ensign of Belgium.svg
 

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Happy, happy, happy

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness


Happiness is weird if you have a paranoid-schizophrenic, obsessive-compulsive, manic-depressive, bipolar-personality identity disorder (with marked petulant/suicidal/narcissistic/psychotic features), like the company receptionist at the small Jewish family business I worked at for awhile, with her typical "Office Cow" dreams of fine art glory and Rockefeller-like wealth; her make-believe, handsome, and very supportive shiska husband standing by her side, just like her first generation Israeli parents who worked blue collar jobs on Long Island prepped her for. Right? No?! Oh, well, then let me try that again. 

Ahem...she was delusional, but people who do bottom-feeder, highly repetitive service jobs are usually like that: arrogant, petty, snippy....you know the attitude. She was bored, and also a totally ignorant loud-mouth, with a completely over-inflated sense of self about her life and her skills, only tempered by her "down" cycles filled with dramatically petulant sighs that widely signaled her "Woe is Me!" boredom, interspersed with frequent hits off the big blue bottle of Listerine in the ladies room, because it has some alcohol in it.

She avoided me for many months, because I was extremely busy and she was busy getting her "best friend" from high school fired from her high-paying executive administrator job, because that's what you do to former Architecture majors who come from the same small Long Island town as you, former shul classmates who are also bipolar and very brittle: you stab them in the back whenever it's necessary. Right? Oh....okay, let me try that one again, too: our former "Office Manager" was one of the biggest fucking bitches any one of us had ever met in the sometimes semi-professional world of big city book publishing, and this was a somewhat gay-friendly media business in the Chelsea section of Manhattan, which is like saying that West Hollywood is "kind of gay". Yeah, like that.

She was an obvious bitch from a company that broke its back hiring other Jews and relatives, so much so that it was sometimes good clean fun to watch the crazy old people who hired these disastrous amateurs justify their secretary's insane bullshit, which got wackier and wackier as time went on. The wife of the owner talked through her anxiety over scary machines by talking back to the copier machine whenever it did any kind of banal action whatsoever; they told me she used to be an elementary school teacher. Huh...wonder what happened with that. Yeah, I knew. Like so many other business, the phony lines that employees used on each other could possibly pass muster under less legitimate circumstances than the real professionalism I brought to the table, which is kind of a bummer if you're an incompetent drug addict. I worked with plenty of those, too, educated or not.


Like any other uptight, self-righteous, hippie dippy, Jewish art fag, she scrutinized me through narrowed eyes every single time I walked passed the reception desk (in case I ever bothered to wonder how she felt about me), and if I was working for "too long" on my own, in her bizarre estimation, she would find an excuse to violate my workspace with her rancid beer breath, usually with a question so fucking stupid, I wondered how she breathed air at all. Sometimes I gave her the answer (the same dull ones, over and over and over again), and sometimes not. I am the Master in any studio, and so whatever I feel like teaching my staff is up to me, at any time I want to, and if anyone disturbs me, they're gone. It's simple: no me, no money.

And so I didn't worry about her neurotic bullshit too much, so successful was I at putting distance between us, while she nursed the same pit in her stomach everyday that she would choose to blame on other people, places, and things, weather permitting or not, like the special UV light bulb she needed because she also has S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder), in addition to the many other serious brain disorders we were forced to ignore under threat of firing, which grew into a more serious threat with each passing fire. As the company grew smaller, she stood out more and more, and not in any good ways. One afternoon, she stopped me walking past her with her disordered teenage bullshit to ask me a vaguely stupid "self help" type of question, because, like, why do other people feel things that are, like, different than her? You know? Like, why?

I had time to kill that day because I just made my deadline way under budget for the umpteenth day in a row, and by that time in my employ, I had the whole company in my pocket. They stopped working to listen to me speak, as they passed around my emails and cover designs like I was Mick Jagger at a mall signing autographs (because they couldn't stop themselves from gossiping about me within earshot), and they followed me wherever I went online using the company's network. In short, I owned them. If I used a famous media site as a starred commenter to slice-and-dice some would-be intellectual, they knew about it. If (and when) I hit it "out of the ballpark" again with my designs, it became company news within seconds. I had their complete and utter attention, short as those spans could be at times. Why their stupid ugly bitch thought to fuck with me on that particular afternoon, after all the schooling I'd already given her, is still beyond me to this day, besides good old fashioned mental defect.

She hated any outward signs of happiness we showed as we went productively about our days, as baffling to her bad brain as if I was the resurrected Pharaoh Queen Nefertiti herself walking around in full Royal Egyptian dress. It was envy mixed with hero-worship, mixed with misplaced desire, and what serious scholar would want that tossed their way? I sure as fuck didn't. You hired her, you deal with it. End of story. By the end of my time there, they tried to railroad me into taking their special bitch "into therapy", that brilliantly inept Jewish band-aid on a disease so bad, people die from it every single day all around the world, by deliberately setting me up as their "fall guy" for their bad hire. Nope. Nice try though! I deflected every single scheme they threw my way, monied up and lawyered-up as they were over me as their paltry advantages, but in the end, all they were left with was this: I'm better than you. That's it, and no banal amount of talking would cure it.

So, to finally answer fully your question, Ye Ole Stupid Bitch of Work Days Past, ("Why are you always happy, happy, happy all the time?"), I'm "happy" because I'm everything that you are not, and will never be. How's that for the truth? Oh, and failing that, click on the fucking link under the pretty picture above, you ignorant piece of shit. Yeah, that big yellow one with the smiley face. I won.


https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1e/Th%C3%A9odore_G%C3%A9ricault_hiena_de_Salp%C3%AAtri%C3%A8re.jpg
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Envy

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Idol Worship

And the winner is...me! "I'd like to take this time to thank my sponsor..."

Working on my own has obvious high points. I wear what I want (or not) when I want (or not). Then there's the extra free time that comes with my high level of productivity because, honestly, I worked in service to others who are far less gifted than me when I was younger and learning my trade. It was fine and I was glad to do so, but there are now gaps where there once was frenetic activity, just in time for my systemic middle age slowdown, the perfect time when most advanced experts strike out on their own.

So, there's a bit more daytime t.v. watching, though (also, to be honest), not as much as the average viewer, because most content is repetitive and boring. Why watch someone else's show when you can make your own? That's what happens naturally, kids. A lot of nighttime viewing is a bunch of artificial, canned, redundant, and equally awful "entertainment" shows that are anything but. Did you know most "celebrities" who are consistently featured on these types of shows are really fucking boring? I mean, like, a total formula for conformity: an early rise to fame, horribly dysfunctional stage parents, a plunge into drugs, alcohol and crime, followed by widely publicized stints in jail and rehab, then a viciously dull cycle of "lather, rinse, repeat", in a boring commoditization of tritely "rebellious" pseudo-types who appear over and over again on t.v., like the eerily identical Fembots produced by the Playboy franchise.


I understand that's what makes them appealing to viewers: it's comfort brought on by the familiarity and similarity of it all, but you have to draw the line somewhere. How many ass photos of a pinup can one look at onscreen?! Who cares? The opposite then is supposedly the "craft" of Acting, which the media serves up in ball gown after ball gown, again, in a supposed contrast to the barely clothed porn star, but only slightly. There's plenty of crossover. And what do we get for watching le grande "Cinema" (with a capital "C") over more commercial fare?

We get (by this count in 2010) 564 different entertainment industry awards. That's right. You read it correctly, 564 of them: http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=101295. Wow! What a triumph of art over commerce right? We must be absolutely glutted with quality fare? Right? No? I hear crickets! My mom, and many other people like her, like to dream and fantasize more than they like living, and being a t.v. addict feeds that jones whenever she (and they) want it, but it is far from healthy. When I gave her my honest good review of the latest pretentious art house piece of crap that I had to suffer 3 hours of, hailed by "critics" as "brand new" and "revolutionary" because some shut-in director filmed a kid over the years (like many a long-running t.v star before him) in some long, boring, emo (https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=emo) teen angst story, she immediately chafed against it, because she's been trained to.

"But...it won the (insert name of dull award show here) prize?" Bad? How?! It won an....wait for it...award. So, a pompous director won some award given out by other pompous film directors. Huh. Well, that is new. Oh, I have versions of it in my industry and so do you, but the particular vanity behind people addicted to the hype beast keeps these functions going, fueled on the idea that more is better PR, which is so not true.

Witness this tidbit. Well-known long-running actress Dianne Wiest can no longer afford her plush NYC apartment (http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/dianne-wiest-pay-rent-article-1.2092324), times being what they are. I know! Oh, boo hoo :( But the conceit of these shows hangs upon one central idea, and that is this: if you win a golden statue, it means you're really good, and that means you win yet more gold! Be careful what you lust for. It is not the guarantee in this lifetime that you seek. Amen to you today, my children.

The Golden Calf.  



  


 
7d Then the LORD said to Moses: Go down at once because your people, whom you brought out of the land of Egypt, have acted corruptly.

8 They have quickly turned aside from the way I commanded them, making for themselves a molten calf and bowing down to it, sacrificing to it and crying out, “These are your gods, Israel, who brought you up from the land of Egypt!”  

9e I have seen this people, how stiff-necked they are, continued the LORD to Moses.  

10 Let me alone, then, that my anger may burn against them to consume them. Then I will make of you a great nation.