Showing posts with label marketing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marketing. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Hooked on Feelings




For people with severe mental illnesses, emotions are a place fraught with a thousand little tensions that don't add up to a whole picture, especially for the seriously bipolar. I watched a receptionist talk (more like interrupt and over-talk) with various employees in a corporate setting for years, and she'd steal facets that she liked from different people by littering her "nonversations" with their borrowed expressions. It was the only memory recall she had; these shards of other people's personas that never added up to a real person for her. 

It was doubly odd because she came from a really strong cultural presence in New York, as an Israeli immigrant living in a strongly Jewish part of "Lawnguyland". It wasn't like she was an ethnic minority living on her own. Her parents sent her to a private schul during her formative years, but after puberty, she became sicker and sicker. There was something broken within her that never really worked right, and it was grueling to be around. She'd call herself a "painter", exhibit some drawing skills as an illustrator, then go completely downhill after that first good picture, like all the other areas of her life.

She was also extremely vulnerable to the outside world. I could tell her parents were exhausted by her ongoing illnesses, as the only explanation that made any sense after years of observation. She was too sick to live with, and she had weird tense stand-offs with her roommates at the city apartment she found while commuting from her parent's place on the island. She told me she'd been raped, mugged, drugged, knock-down dragged-out drunk, and that was just during my small time window with her. G-d knows how many horrors awaited for me in her life. I simply didn't want to know them anymore, because like any challenged child, she never got over any of it. Her alleged teenage rape was just as fresh as if it happened to her yesterday. 

When I first met her, and she blabbed that she was raped to us at a bar during after-work cocktailsas a bizarre justification for not working at a more "artistic" jobI thought it had happened to her, like, a year ago, and that's why she still lived with her folks. It was like that for every single experience she could dramatize, like gossip or dirt on her fellow co-workers, but never anything deep, real, or significant. She was the most trivially superficial thing I'd ever met, and so repulsive to me intellectually, that I found I couldn't stand her presence sober, like that one crazy bitch at a frat party you only see when you're forced back to the keg line. Ugh...you again, bitch? Sigh...fine, I'll make small talk with you to get a beer.

That's what she was to us—that crazy bitch at the reception desk who would physically block you so she could pelt you with her trash talk. It was fine every once in awhile, but full-on crazy all the time pulls at you real quick, know that I mean? She was a work obstacle we had to constantly get around, like an ill-placed traffic cone in the middle of a narrow city street, clad in a warning color like "safety-cone orange". 

She was also very susceptible to the slightest marketing pitch, because she had no genuine sense of self. It was nerve-wracking and jarring to my wholesomeness as a cohesively packaged unit that was beautifully-made through my own hard work, like the books I made for our company. Tight, yo! She'd complain to us that she had no money, then she blow hundreds of dollars every week on these grotesque white-blond dye jobs at a salon, with a full pedicure and manicure and maybe a facial (if she had time), in addition to her oft-repeated tanning salon sessions, supposedly because she suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder as a Jew.

In fact, her short list, just as I can remember from that time, was this: PTSD (from the infamous "Unibomber/Central Park rapist"), recovered molestation memories from childhood (sent to me at work in an email in the middle of the day through the company server), manic-depression, bipolar personality identity disorder, ADHD/Adult ADD, dyslexia and other learning impairments like illiteracy, a low IQ, alcoholism, drug addiction (to cocaine and pain pills), bloating and serious water retention (hence the aggressive over-sharing about bodily functions), marked obsessive compulsive addictive hoarding tendencies with significantly ritualistic behaviors, personal boundary issues, a low self-esteem, a hyperactive sex drive that led to a series of increasingly risky behaviors like jogging through the park at 1 a.m. to shed those awful pounds, yo-yo dieting, poor self-image (hence the narcissistic grooming habits), a love/hate food addiction combined with bulimia mixed with occasional sprees of anorexia nervosa, over-spending (she said had to live with her parents because of shopping-related debt, which gave a cool "Sex and the City" vibe to her manic sprees), fixations with people that became stalking and cyberstalking, ambiguous sexual/gender orientation with slight schizoid affective characteristics interspersed with unsuccessful online dating that rarely went beyond the first date (she actually showed me the "you are crazy" text to go along with it), chronic depression with suicidal tendencies, as well as other violently criminal tendencies to go along with her markedly psychotic features.

She was also the most delusional consumer I have ever met. If there was a woman's magazine lying around the reception area for our guests to peruse, she'd blame the images for "forcing her" to buy more shit she didn't need. Huh. Uh, how exactly does that fucking work? If a new tech gadget came out, she HAD TO have it, even though she was almost completely ignorant about computers and technology. Oh, well! 

If the bland Midwestern girl made homemade brownies and dared to bring them to the office without first screening it with her manipulatively controlling codependency, we could all look forward to a work day filled with her odd sneaky runs to the kitchen to cut the already-small brownies into these tiny little pieces that she'd furtively jam into her mouth too quickly, licking her fingers and mouth nastily, saying "Mm. Bitch. Mm. Bitch..." over and over again, smacking her lips in a grossly piggish way. Same thing with the office jar of candy. 

It had to be placed behind a piece of paper and away from her desk— which was our company's reception deskbecause she couldn't handle seeing it, and that was after someone busted her for starving all day long without a proper lunch break (she'd blame the publisher for that), which forced her to cram salad into her mouth at her desk, pouting and giving us evil glares the entire afternoon for being a human who eats. Even though she spent more on herself than anything or anyone else around her, it still hadn't worked. She remained consistently greasy-haired with a dirty cap jammed down onto her matted head (she didn't like her forehead wrinkles), wearing the same torn stained jeans, baggy sweater, and unfashionably clunky shoes. 

She remained disgusting, even with her expensive outsourcing of every facet of her life to other people. Her Jewish dentist cousin would give her free teeth-bleaching that she bragged about to an office of better-looking "Ivy Leaguers" who most often just stared at her in disbelief. What to say? She was so fucking crazy that there was no coming back from brain damage that bad, and we knew it. And that was before she went off her psychotropic cocktail of meds, joined a cult, and then recruited for them openly during company hours. In short, Ayelet Rand was the most disturbed person I had ever met in my life. Her sole focus in her life was her, and her confused "feelings" about life that we were forced to help her sort through during our difficult day jobs, because the crazy old Jews who owned the company found her neurosis "charming". How's that for a lawsuit? Hey, it's really not that big of a  problem, though. There's a big sample sale going on right down the block! Yeah, right. Bitch. Meet you there later. Much later.



Thursday, October 8, 2015

Throwaway Culture

Many Americans have been trained by advertisers, promoters, and marketers to see their time as so valuable (like the President of these United States) in this busy, busy, busy world, that they need shortcuts to every single chore on the planet. Too tired from working three jobs to wash your face? No problem! We've got you covered. Want to remove dust and harmless fluffies from your hardwood floor? Hey, that's too lowly a chore for someone as "exceptional" as you. Use these throw-out sheets instead. It's fun, and any idiot can do it. 

The only problem with constant convenience-themed living is that you actually need to have something really valuable to replace what you stole from nature. Want to see what your stupid fucking dryer sheets look like in our ecosystem? Here you go, ass-wipe:

http://www.cbs46.com/story/27431955/disposable-wipes-clogging-equipment-increasing-costs-for-customers

That kind of quick, easy fix doesn't seem so appealing anymore, does it? It's really disgusting, and you're not worth it. Believe me. You're not the center of the universe. Hard to fathom, but true. Instead of using paper napkins, I use cloth ones that I wash. Weird, but yes. Instead of wiping floors with throwaway wipes or paper towels, I use my old t-shirts that I dampen with water. Being evil just doesn't seem as fun anymore, right? I know.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Spoils of War


http://voc.tv/1jOnjUT

I watch and read a lot of content that isn't specifically designed for me, nor catered to my particular demographic, because it's part of my job to stay au courant of pop culture trends. Like my former job description as an Art Director in Adult Trade book cover design ("You can't judge a book by its' cover" for the umpteenth time. Haha...yes, you can, and you certainly should. That's why we invest so much into it upfront as our most important marketing material: to create enough visual interest on a bookshelf for you to pick it up and want to explore further, because we actually really fucking care about the books we make. But I digress, shit-heel...), people think my job is one thing over the actual reality of it: to be an expert who accurately judges and assesses any type of creative content, in whatever form it takes, in any language or country, on any device, for any audience. 

It's actually a lot harder than it sounds or looks, because you're big hit bestseller may, in reality, be a totally trite and highly repetitive piece of derivative shit for me; one that's almost exclusively driven by slavishly current marketing trends, which is a really bad sign in creative businesses, because if you can't come up with original ideas consistently, you're done. It means some asshole middle manager who is a big nobody has sapped your talent and then gets the pathetic joy of discarding you like you're a used car battery, which is the worst thing that can happen to any artist. You are no longer relevant culturally because you've lost your platform.

With that in mind, I always try to let my friends at the library know what I'm checking out as part of my job, and what I really like, because part of their job as librarians (who are some of the most important people in our audience to market to) is knowing my preferences and suggesting materials to me as recommendations, then talk to me intelligently about it (but really, you, not me, because I already know). We publish almost exclusively to libraries at times, in special Library Editions; maybe large print books for the blind or vision-impaired, or perhaps books designed to handle the rougher climate of a public library's bookshelf by using tougher binding materials manufactured just for them. They know me and my audience here, because I've published books just for them at certain times, or oversaw it as a supervisor at some point in time in my long career.


That's why I read the "Twihard" series to my great displeasure: because my weirdo aunt who is emotionally stuck at 14, due to the severity of her mental disabilities and impairments, desperately wants me to believe that I am just like her, through this obviously fake Christmas "gift" (because hoarders use objects to express their feelings for people....ugh): I'm permanently stuck on stupid with some "hot" vamps involved, just like her. Uh, great. It's a series, right? And so I read the entire series as part of my professional follow-though routine, and because it also became a wildly popular movie series of some of the worst tripe I've even seen marketed to teens, which really pisses me off. And the books really suck, too. Bad writing.

So, when I check out some white men war movies, it's always attached with the caveat that this content may or may not be marketed for me, which is fine, because I'm a grown up, and we might also have the added bonus of making fun of some really bad art at the check-out counter, because librarians are people, too! I digest way too much content that is throwaway junk, but that's no different than any other day for me: it's for you, kid, and not for me. Mommy has very few needs. And so it happened that I saw a string of war movies recently, representing different types of people (loosely drawn from the facts), in the form of wacky expensive movie fiction, which is problematic for a realist like me. If it's tied to actual human beings who exist(ed), then great; my job just got easier by cutting out the rich white man to go directly to the source. Moms also don't need puppet shows that are stand-ins for real people, kids!

"Unbroken" was about some small town guinea who was picked on for being Italian (yeah, me, too), which got him angry enough for his brother to use as an energy in the white man Olympics, in front of Nazi's who yearned to be the purest whitest people ever....uh oh, Dago Boy is in real trouble. And then he is: all of his fancy Olympian skills become fodder for some mentally ill jerk-off who wants to channel his homoerotic energy into breaking an American Olympian cleaning up shit in a Japanese prison camp. Tough guinea wins (we usually do), but he never gets the apology he wants by the mad rich Jap who heads for the hills in embarrassment after the war. Boohoo, bro. No guts, no glory. We women know boys find war games really fucking fun. Would you want to grind sawdust into the scant remains of the flour that you have on ration, while your children starve slowly in front of you? No?! And that was one of the easier WWII scenarios women had, back in the day. You don't want to know about the rest: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unbroken_%28film%29.

"Lone Survivor" is better: this tough muthafuckin' white boy (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Luttrell) pulls through champion-style, too, but with a broken back and a new foreign friend. I like that he manages to rise above the spoils of a typical war by bonding with the villagers who hid him from the enemy, because they realize that the nasty war tribes around them are totally fucking nuts, regardless of nationality, and they would just as easily kill them as that broke-back white boy, because they're right. People are driven mad by war, because video games with real targets (like pregnant women and their nursing children) are really fucking hard to kill, even if you know that they are human smart bombs sent to rip you to shreds. Do you want want to be the person flicking the switch to that electric chair, you monster? (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monster%27s_Ball)

I know I'm a great warrior who would totally fucking kill you in a knock-down, drag-out battle to the death for survival, but it's a rare thing to have a fair fight, when the righteous wins over evil. What do you do when the sands shift under your feet? Or, how can I be a good guy when I just blew the head off of a defenseless woman? That's the kind of thing that stays with you, man, and sometimes it kills you back at home, where another type of war rages: the one that plays inside your shell-shocked and highly concussed skull, which is what this white boy played in this fucking war movie about how war may turn even your new war friend into a foe, in a heartbeat: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Sniper.

Not so glamorous anymore, is it? These actors don't go home to nurse you through the after-effects of your war-induced illness, bro. I do that for you, people in social services do that for you, but this fucking celebrity gets to breeze through a photo op at the local VA, drop a check, and he is gone, gone, gone, girl. Then, the really bad movie starts to play in your head, once again...where will Hollywood be? Nowhere in sight. That's the true spoils of any given war; money you don't get and will never see, while you heart-breakingly watch (by yourself) your son or daughter struggle through yet another series of tremors that the Veteran's supposed benefits package just ran out on, and G-d forbid that they get their hands on that kitchen knife before you do. Who will be there in that room with you? 

Here's a wild guess: it won't be a Bradley Cooper type of actor. The man who helps you pick up the pieces later on will be your real friends, family, neighbors, and community activists. That's who you owe, and that's who I work for everyday, because that's who I am: your friendly fucking neighborhood war hero. But, like, so not with the actual PTSD that's so dramatic on camera, dude. That's, like, totally not cool, you know? Pay me, yo! I'll throw you a real party, man, with no weird gold statues that don't mean jack-shit, either. I promise ;)





Friday, August 8, 2014

Crazy Ass Sugar High


Time to "power up" with cereal crack!

Lately I've been buying cereal when it's on sale, because I'm on a tight budget. I haven't eaten it regularly for many, many years, not even during my broke college days, because it was way more expensive than other simple foods, like eggs, bread, cheese, butter, and milk. 
But recently I've been buying a small box when it's on sale for $1.99, and it contains ingredients I can easily pronounce. So, I've been sitting at a table in the morning, looking at a box decorated for kid's, while I eat from a bowl filled with milk and cereal, just like in childhood.

Of course I noticed right away the wild colors, designs, and graphics. It's hard not to, and that's the point. Art for children, as it relates to impulse buys in a grocery store by the continued, tearful haranguing at a harried parent by an impatient, cranky toddler, has to be as instantly addictive as its' highly sugared contents. Marketing to children despite their best interests is a hard dance at that, too.

Cigarette manufacturers learned the hard way: Joe Camel was rendered too kid-friendly, as was the brightly colored promotional material posted child high at stores, to catch their lowered eye heights and attention spans. I recently interacted with a very young couple's child, and as I watched her bounce frenetically from thing to another without absorbing any of it, I knew her diet was part of the problem.


This is your kids' brain on legal drugs. Enjoy!

And so it was: a few days later, another neighbor, who acts as a sometimes surrogate parent and free babysitter, came over to tell me that the little girl was being weaned off sugar because of her hyperactivity, which was obvious to observe. She was running at full, frenetic speed well after 9:30 p.m. at night, a time period when I would have been so sleepy as a kid, I would not have been able to keep my eyes open, even if I wanted to. She was that wound up.

We know now that the highly processed and refined sugars add to an enormous list of health problems for people, but here's the missing part of the puzzle that's more hidden and actively suppressed by food and beverage companies through their lobbyists in Washington, the ones who cater to, and pay off, FDA officials: a growing link between certain foods and their negative impact upon our brains, (which are part of our bodies), and if not addressed quickly, develop into long-term (and incurable) mental illness. That hyperactive douche bag sales rep who pounds coffee crack all day from the nearest chain store, regularly snapping out inappropriately at meetings and passive-aggressively via email? He was the crazy kid next door who tried to bite you on the arm all the time, now grown up and working in your office. Stay safe.







Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The Vortex


Whoa! Check out those clouds, dude! Totally "Stairway to Heaven".

Lately, what with the common regularity of Doomsday predictions now fully realized and acted out daily on t.v. and in movies, we've become highly sensitized to news weather deliberately, in order to boost ratings through hooking viewers on the active creation of fear, which propels the vulnerable amongst us to tune in angst, seeking solace from those Doctors of Weather (called "Meteorologists") in some ritualistic pattern of fear followed by soothing comfort, the balm to our collective anxieties. Maybe news forecasters can wear big, peaked hats painted with stars, like some hammy old actor playing Nostradamus to the hilt, so we get the point more readily!

It's true, we did actively melt the polar ice caps due to our own selfish neglect, but that's hardly what one could classify as "new" (http://mariedoucette.blogspot.com/2014/05/as-we-know-it.html). What is new is our collective awareness of how that neglect has caused fires to rage uncontrolled, waters to overflow in streams, and tornadoes to rip through towns in increasing frequencies of violent intensity. There must be strong language to match!


More beautifully lit clouds. Gorgeous!

Enter the evil "Vortex", what was once dubbed the "Polar Vortex" in winter (to describe a fucking snowstorm, or a heavy downfall of snow once called a "blizzard", a common occurrence in the Northeastern U.S. and the Northern Hemisphere), now re-purposed for the summertime (with its pesky regularly occurring thunderstorms, also common in the Northeast) as simply, The Vortex, like some villain dressed in all-black from a mythical fairy tale fable.

I do understand the challenges behind selling something as banal as a heavy summer rainstorm, (because I'm a publishing professional, and selling something as simple as a good diet combined with regular exercise in book form must be fashioned anew with some fucked up gimmick, like the Neanderthals), and while I do understand it is hard to make that seem "new", I really don't fucking appreciate a thunderstorm artificially heightened to some weird new height as a fake movie villain (which, once again, is really weird, man, and you should totally know upfront that I'm on to you, so, enough already), because it's incredible as it is: a beautiful, and sometimes scary, act of nature.  
See it, and wonder.

After the cloud vortex, the sun sets beautifully.
Bravo! Another winning performance on Planet Earth! Shows over, folks.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Toys: Yeti Freddie


Yeti Freddie and his lovable side.

This software app I use occasionally for E-Blasts sent me a toy because I signed up for a newsletter. Nice! I'm a sometime collector when time, space, and budget align, most notably of the Tim Burton and Simpsons kind.

When I first ran aground from the recession, I set up shop on eBay to sell what I could. I sold a few items and made about $300-$380 total, but given the time it took to take all those digital pictures, tweak them, post them online, create the Internet storefront, manage the customers, print labels, pack them up and ship them off, it was really not worth my time. Oh, well. I didn't have the hunger faints that week!

I don't predict this fella will have great resell value, but I still took care opening the packaging so it would remain in as good as condition as possible. Nerd habits die hard. And now he lives in a cavern created within the bookshelves, a cheerful reminder that the fun hobbies we enjoy somehow always find a way back to us in good times. 
It's an Abominable Snowman situation.

He likes pencils, too.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Toys: Baby BOO's!


Boo! For Halloween!

Just in time for Halloween, comes the worlds' cutest dog in an adorable small size, with different types of hoodies to match his every mood. 
I took one out and pulled the blue hood on his tiny little furry head myself...and then I cooed at it like it was a baby. 

This particular basket full of Boos caught my eye in the Port Authority bus terminal. The bookstore manager said everyone stops to look at him in the store window, and I know why. He's the world's cutest dog! That's marketing pull. Boo to you!